So, you really want Godly friendships but you just don’t know where to find them. Here is how you can make Christian friends and find Godly community.
You want friends for life that will be your bridesmaids in your future wedding. Friends that you can go to for anything whether you need a good laugh or a long cry. Friends that have the same values and interests as you that care about more than going out and hooking up.
Being a young adult in this weird transition from college to real life is hard enough. But add in finding friendships too… Where do you even begin?!
Let’s face it… it’s awkward to meet new people. How do you even know if they are quality Christian friends? And what if you’re a major introvert?
This post will teach you how to make Christian friends as a young adult seeking Godly community
We all want to to make christian friends and have a Godly community that encourages us through life. But sometimes it can feel close to impossible.
I went from having social anxiety and being secluded to having some of the best friends of my whole life. And it wasn’t easy. But if I can go from leaving events because I was scared to learning how to make Christian friends – you can too!
How To Make Christian Friends
The biggest mistake you can make if thinking that you can do life alone. Even though I had this deep desire for friendships it felt like it would be way too hard to make these friends.
But here’s the thing – whether you are an introvert or extrovert you need people. The Bible tells us all the time that we need to be with others – God did not make us to be alone. The early church did life together (Acts 2:46-47). And we are literally called to love others (John 15:12-13). How can we do that if we aren’t around others?!
What Does The Bible Say About Christian Friends?
So all of this sounds great but how do you actually now if a friendship is honoring God? My favorite place to turn to is the good ole Bible for what makes a Christian friend.
Christian Friendship Green Flags:
- Faithful (Proverbs 12:26)
- Like family (Proverbs 18:24 )
- Consistent and intentional (Luke 6:31)
- Encouraging and build you up (1 Thessalonians 5:11 )
- Helpful (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
- Kind (Job 6:14)
- Forgiving (Ephesians 4:32 )
- Bears your burdens with you (Galatians 6:2)
- Loves you at all times (Proverbs 17:17)
Christian Friendship Red Flags:
- Gossip (Proverbs 20:19 / Proverbs 11:13)
- Pride and arrogance (Proverbs 22:24-25)
- Selfish (Philippians 2:3-4)
- Not inclusive (2 Timothy 4:16)
- Manipulative (Proverbs 3:32)
- Dishonest (Proverbs 16:28)
- Leads you away from God (1 Corinthians 15:33)
The main thing to remember when looking to make Christian friends is that you will know them by their fruit.
By this, I mean that the way people treat you shows what is actually in their heart. It can be easy to say one thing but actually living it out is much harder. As you begin putting yourself out there, be sure to look for people who are more likely to live out the green flags than they are to just talk about them.
So How Do You Find These Christian Friends?
1. Surrender Your Desires
The absolute first step to make Christian friends is to bring your request to the Lord. Pray about the desires you have for good community and God-honoring friendships.
I literally spent YEARS asking God for the friends I have now. And when I tell you he has blown my mind time and time again I’m not kidding.
Here is a prayer for friendship:
Lord, you are the provider of all things good. I thank you for the desire you have placed on my heart to seek meaningful friendships. Your Word reminds me that I am not meant to be alone. More than anything, I want Kingdom friendships. Relationships that glorify you in all that we do. Father would you form me into the type of friend I desire to have. Open my eyes to people who are seeking the same thing. Bring friendships into my life that will bring me closer to you. Thank you that even now, when I feel alone, you are with me. Would you continue to remind me that you never leave my side. Would the friendships you bring into my life be an overflow of the friendship I experience with you.
2. Put Yourself Out There
This is definitely the hardest part, but it’s also the most essential thing you have to do to make Christian friends.
If you don’t ever put yourself out there, it will be very unlikely that you will meet anyone. Here are some ideas of places you can go to start putting yourself out there:
Go to church
Finding a church as your home base is essential in positioning yourself to make Christian friends. Besides going to church to build your own personal faith, it is a great place to meet people who have the same values as you.
Once you are part of a church, you will be more likely to get involved in different ministries they have, which will help you be in situations to make Christian friends
Find a Bible study or small group
Joining a Bible study was the most life changing thing I ever did for myself. Finding a small group basically guarantees your will be in a group of women who are prioritizing their faith and looking for community. Spending designated time together each week will allow you to get to know each other better and quickly get past all the surface level stuff and build deep connections.
A lot of churches will host different groups throughout the year that include planned studies but you can also find more unofficial groups through your church’s connection/welcome team.
Go to local worship nights or young adult events
Going to these types of events is probably the most intimidating because they are usually larger scale. However, these are also some of the most common events where other people go to find community. I have heard of a ton of major cities that have young adult worship nights either hosted by churches or other organizations.
Conferences are another great way to make Christian friends. There are tons that are geared toward young adults but you can also choose one that covers a topic that interests you and meet people there.
3. Commit To Getting Out Of Your Comfort Zone
So let me be the bearer of bad news…
Making christian friends will require you to get out of your comfort zone. Here’s the thing though – you have to do it even when you are scared. Regardless of if you are shy or not, the whole experience of making christian friends can be uncomfy.
But you HAVE to do it anyway. You may not have anyone else in your life willing to tell you the things you don’t want to hear – but I will 🙂 No matter how hard or scary the whole process may feel in the moment, you need to push through it. Continue to pray and put yourself out there.
Because, truly, you will not find the Christian friends you desire (and need) in life by sitting in your bedroom everyday.
Life is HARD and you absolutely need people to live out your faith with. God will reward your efforts.
So before you enter into any of these spaces. Take a deep breath and say a prayer. Ask God to calm your nerves, show you who to talk to (or send someone to talk to you), and bring to you the words to carry a conversation.
This might seem silly but I promise, including God in every interaction will give you so much peace in the process of finding Christian friends. He wants to be part of it.
How To Actually Make Friends & Talk To People
Now that you know where to go to meet people and you’ve committed to putting yourself out there, you might be wondering “how do I initiate these conversations or friendships?!” I’m so glad you asked!
So you’ve found the person you want to talk to and you’re ready to start a conversation.
Up first, say hello. Be friendly and offer a greeting with a smile. Nothing is more awkward that catching someone lurking in the corner or staring at you from across the room. Just walk up to someone and say hey.
One of my favorite ice breakers is to give a genuine comment. One time I went to an event for one of my favorite podcasts and I saw a girl standing alone wearing the cutest jeans I had ever seen. I walked right up to her with a smile and said something like “hey sorry if this is really random but I love your jeans so much!” That broke the ice and she was able to share where they were from which started a conversation.
Once you have greeted and (optionally) complimented, ask them a question. People are selfish by nature and love to talk about themselves. Asking questions gives them the opportunity to talk and takes the pressure off you to try and come up with things to say.
Here’s the catch though – once you ask questions, you actually need to listen. Don’t listen halfway until you feel like you found something you can respond to. Show genuine interest in what the person is saying and ask follow up questions. As a general rule of thumb you always want to be thinking about how you can serve that person.
Questions to ask:
- How did you find out about this event?
- Are you from around here?
- Have you been to something like this before?
- What church do you go to?
- How long have you been going to this church?
- Are you in school currently? If so, what are you studying/do you plan to do after graduation?
Building meaningful relationships takes time and intention. You likely won’t become besties after one interaction. That’s why I think repetitive events such as small groups are the best (and maybe easiest) way to make friends. I heard once that it takes about 50 hours to turn acquaintances into friends and about 100 hours to become close friends.
If you find someone at an event, you will need to be much more intentionally about connecting with them again. This can be through social media or getting their number and planning to grab coffee or dinner together.
The most important thing you will find is to continue to pray over your search for Christian friends and to show up intentionally ready to be the friend to others that you want in your life.
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